Week July 7th to 13th

Since this blog is going to help me reminisce when I am older, I have to record all things we've enjoyed doing last week. 

Let's see .....Monday -gymnastics, Tuesday -water day at Mariner's, Wednesday - puppet show, Thursady -water day again, Friday - playdate with friends. Pictures will help me remind the details so I will skip the narration. 

What I want to mention is that when the other day after Neev went to bed, Avi and I lay down together in his big boy's bed and just snuggled . Running my fingers thru' his hair I said softly,'don't grow up so fast Avi' and he said in the very same tone,'No more milk Mommy'. 

Also Dora's sneaky fox Swiper's line 'Oh Man' has become his Mantra now a days. I say ,'we can't go to blockbuster to rent your DVD today and he goes ,'Oh Man' . I say, 'its 3'o clock and too hot to swim right now', he goes, 'Oh Man' . I have to find another phrase to help him express his disappointments. 

Tunes of heart

Anurag bought this new MP3 player and after downloading all our collection from 'My Music' on our notebook , he hooked it up with our home theater system. Some upbeat hindi tunes got Avi and Neev shaking their legs on Bollywood's balle balle. And then in between this other song started playing which I recall from 'Sangeet ceremony' of my wedding. Its hard to describe what burst of emotions some tunes can bring. With me it has always been very emotional listening to Hindi songs (of my time in India ) in this country. I still remember when I first unpacked my bags in United States and stacked a few cassettes and music CD's that I brought with me. That evening when Anurag got back from work and we sat in bed listening to some of those, I started missing home terribly, tears rolling and wetting my arms which I folded on my tucked knees. It was snowing outside and I couldn't say it was pretty. After I could take it no longer, I got up and turned it off. I was new here but not newly away from my family. I left home to study at the age of 16 yrs. and I recognized homesickness. This was different..........more intense. I couldn't say if it was the distance or the dark which set at mere 4'o clock every afternoon but I stopped listening to Hindi songs after that. After a few months/years, I heard some new ones (thanks to Sundeep and Poonam who always made the CD's for us), and it did not feel so bad. Given my penchant for dancing, I love catchy dance numbers and now my two music lover boys give me company so I have an okay collection of those. But the tunes of my age and of my heart still quaver the strings within. They are the flash-backs of my life about the people I love, the moments which shaped me, events that permutated me........................and more!

4th of July weekend

We celebrated 4th of july with friends and Indian Picnic Dinner at Turtle Rock Park. Avi had a great time with friends and getting dirty in sand . Neev enjoyed watching his friend Tanisha toddling and they had some great swinging time together. I brought a huge flask of 'chai' to picnic which was a hit (none was left at the end) and if my friends are reading this - I'd be very glad to bring it the next time ...so let's meet up again :)

Later in the evening, we watched the fireworks from Sandhya and Charan's place and it was a very decent show in exchange for finding the parking one mile away, walking with 2 kids and worst, the return rush. We beat it all and enjoyed the lights sitting on couches. 

Next 2 days, we played soccer , went to the pool and had a family movie night. All else was good fun except the movie night. I was so excited about it and we all went to blockbuster to rent one movie for each of us. My pick was 'Enchanted'. Some of it was my over expectation from the movie and some of it was the buddy time Avi and Neev started having, and some of it was Anurag's "I told you it wasn't going to be great shakes' kinda commentary that I was left not so enchanted.  But the rest of the week - well, close ! 

So, you are a Mom......and what else?

Recently one of my best friends who is also a mother, candidly confessed to me about her feelings in the role of a mom. She loves her kids to death and cares for them impeccably but often feels that she has lost herself somewhere between changing diapers and feedings. Sounds familiar.........? Her confession left me delving into my own heart and it took me back to the day I found out that I was pregnant with Avi. Only a few days in my whole life matched the excitement and joy I felt that day. A lot of other emotions also followed in the next 40 weeks- panic, nervousness among others. Finally, when Avi arrived after 24 hrs. of labor, I went thru' every emotion known to a new mother, predominantly love. We roomed in together but in the night the nurse offered to take him to the nursery so I could sleep 4 hrs at a stretch. Knowing he was in good hands, I tried resting my body which felt like it had gone thru' a hurricane in the last few hours. After 3 nights at the hospital we brought Avi home in a stormy evening. It was partially the time of the day and the bad weather, but mostly it was the realization of being on our own with Avi that I felt a sense of panic. Surrounded by sure and experienced staff at the hospital, the warm feeling I had looking at my 6 pounds bundle of joy,"how much work a tiny baby like him who wriggles from even the snug fit of car seat belt can be" was replaced with,"oh my God, how am I going to take care of him without all those nurses".Well, even though we both survived the first night without the staff and the nights that followed,it sure would have been a whole lot easier if I had one nurse by my side. Someone who could change the diaper and rock him to sleep in those hours when I needed to sleep too. As much as it gave me a chance to bond with my precious, I know that it would not have been lessened by extra help. In the weeks to follow, when I felt better physically and started getting hang of baby related work, I tried to be super human being, doing it all by myself and doing it all. There had been many situations when I felt proud of myself and many more when I felt like I had lost control over everything, when I felt like falling apart and when I felt like I wasn't doing a good job. Despite my wonderful husband's assurance of me being fabulous at everything, it was hard convincing myself of the same thing. I felt, looked,thought as all those women I never thought I would turn into. And I mean deeper issues than not tweezing eyebrows for months, roots showing for weeks before finding time to color them, putting shirt inside-out, leaving toenails without polish until there is an occassion and the list goes on.........Slowly I settled, made peace with a few changes and took charge of the others,until Neev arrived. They say, two times the children, ten times the work (but they forgot to add, hundred times the joy)! This time I am less anxious and I am not in a hurry for anything . Also, this time I am a 30 something woman, struggling with identity issues - do I just want to be Avi and Neev's mom or do I want my life to count for something else as well. I don't know yet......In time I hope to figure it out but until then I am going to try to be content being me.... as a mother. And I hope this for all my friends who are all dedicated moms , who sometimes feel its selfish to think that there needs to be something else to their wonderful self other than being a mom. I think its as normal as it is to feel the overwhelming love for your children. And its perfectly okay !

Lounge Theater and Beach Trip

This Saturday We went to Bommer Canyon open space. Its only about 5 miles from our place and you feel like you are in wild. There are a few houses on the hills as we enter and the architecture is very similar to my Indian hometown. Open roofs and design of the railings remind me of my childhood evenings when one of my favorite pastime used to be standing on our big roof and watching people coming from both side of the street as far as I could see.

Back on track – we had a little picnic there and enjoyed ‘The Bee Movie” lounge chair theater style. When it got dark, it REALLY got dark. I could not believe we were only 5 minutes away from city lights. Despite the big screen and the big speakers, I could feel the quiet of dessert. They are having a camp-out in a few weeks and I am not sure if I want to go. When Neev started to get fussy, we headed back to the car. After he was settled, we parked behind all the people and in front of the gate (nobody seemed to mind) and enjoyed the rest of the movie drive-in style. It was fun.

On Sunday, finally we made it to the beach. Its funny how Avi,a mid-west born had his first beach vacation at 7 months and Neev, a Californian took a year to get his first taste of sand (literally). He does not really like to put anything in the mouth, especially edibles but with sand it was a different story. He licked it, ate it and bathed in it. It was precious to see sand shining on his eyelashes like tiny golden beads. I am glad I was able to take a picture before hurrying up to shake it off. He mostly enjoyed watching his big brother who had a great time digging up the sand and covering his friends with it. The most favorite part of Avi’s day was to jump on waves and splash on Daddy……………so was mine.