Happy New year !

I am enjoying the last leg of this year. Its 8 in the night and I am in bed, my mind not overburdened with needs of tomorrow. Few days ago a friend sent me a video, a spiritual talk by someone, and it affected me deeply. Sometimes philosophy, thoughts and truth that you have known all your life, in simple or complex ways, can hit you unexpectedly and my guess is, it is because it caters to your current state of mind. The gist of the talk was about the fears we live in and how they control us to an extent that we ignore to live our life and we don't want to die either. How our mind is controlled either by memories of past or fears of future, both essentially imagination, stifling our energy to focus on reality of today. We are either stuck with pains and pleasures of past or picturing the plight ,predicament and panic of times which are yet to come. Our mind is conjecturing non-existential and that's the way to define insanity. As my friend shared this video and vowed not to live in regrets and angers of past and anxiety of future, I realize how important it is for all of us. Surely there will be many slips and slides in pursuing this but I am sure it would have the highest rewards. Its not philosophy, its the most ultimate pragmatic approach. Give today your best and that would take care of tomorrow, and if it does not , you would have at-least one less regret in your list for not trying and trying my friend is living. With this I put behind the past year and embrace the new year with all it has to offer. Happy New Year !

Picture confusion

My dear friend recently sent pictures of her daughter's birthday party. Neev and I were looking at them together. One of the pictures were not rotated properly so here is what he asked me , "why are they eating pizza upside down"? 

The computer effect ?

Scene : Shopping trip in Costco and since Neev is too big to sit on the cart seat , he is happily sitting inside it.

Me : Neev, I need space in the cart to put our stuff. Can you get down?

Neev : I don't want to download my feet on the ground !

Jagran (an all nighter filled with devotional songs)

This past Friday our temple organized 'Jagran'. Its a night where devotional songs are sung and usually with professional singers and orchestra ! If you grew up in India, you probably have heard about 'Narendra Singh Chanchal' . He is probably the most popular 'Jagran' singer in India and I was very interested in attending the night.

 Dinner was served and red bandannas were distributed . We tied them to our foreheads, sunk in the chairs and listened to the orchestra music. While we waited for Chanchal to arrive, my thoughts raced back in time. Personally its always been hard for me to connect spiritually to Jagran. No matter what they say and convey in the words but if they are tuned on popular Bollywood numbers, they become just that - songs and nothing more ! In my head 'Mehendi laga ke rakhna' tune is only going to bring back memories of a dark cinema hall, sitting hand in hand with my boyfriend (now husband) and romantically imagining ourselves as hero and heroine of DDLJ (Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge) , no matter how much you turn around the lyrics to "palkein bicha ke rakhna , daman phaila ke rakhna, ayenge prabhu ji , ye ankhe khuli hi rakhna''. Its not going to evoke anything close to term devotional to me - period ! 

I grew up in a town where people not only organized 'Jagran' in their homes but shared their devotion through loudspeakers for the entire neighborhood. You could not keep that music out even by shutting the windows, drawing curtains and hanging 20 more sheets on top of that. It did not matter if students needed to concentrate for board exams or sick people needed sleep to get better. During 'Navartri'  Jagran played out oh so loud everywhere. As a teenager I remember being invited to a couple of my friend's houses for Jagran and I can recall my excitement which had nothing to do with devotion but for a permitted late night stay. I remember us dressing up, helping prepare the ''prasad', spreading sheets on the floor for friends and neighbors , giggling in between and staring at a cute young boy on ''dholak' , embarrasing him and facing the glares of our guardians for this inappropriate behavior'. I don't remember feeling anything other than having pure fun.

Twenty or so years later why was I looking forward to attending Jagran? Two things - First, that the king of Jagran was going to be there and secondly (and more importantly ) that I wanted the kids to experience something that was part of my cultural shape-up. Culture - that's it ! It was more of a cultural thing than religious. I wanted them to be exposed to a way of life that I experienced - wheather I understood it, embraced it , bore no relevance!

No disappointments with Chanchal ! He knows his business well and none of his songs are tuned on any Bollywood music. He made a grand appearance and kicked off the mood. His popularity had pulled a good crowd and into his third song he came down the stage, started hugging people and distributing 'çhunaris''. People started swaying to the songs and started clapping. My kids did not want to join in the dance even after coaxing. I am grateful to them and to my husband who tried to support my enthusiasm by their quiet presence. They did not say in words how ridiculous they felt in those Bandnnas because Mommy told them a hundred times that they looked absolutely adorable. They did not complain when they could not understand a word of song because the loud music masked them. They looked at their excited  mother clapping and saying 'Jai Mata Di' and smiled tiredly. In the end , I had to respond to my children's sleep requirements and had to say goodbye to Jagran !

9 things you shouldn't say to your child

 http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/12/dont.say.to.child.p/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2

Talk about Fire !

We spent this past weekend with our dear friends in their fabulously HUGE backyard picking their home-grown black berries,roasting marsh-mellow on fire and deer-watching from their kitchen window. As the evening darkened, Anurag and I could not stop thinking and saying how much it felt like being in a village. The loud noise of cicada and crickets filled the air with warmth of well-lit fire as we chatted around it.

Fire is mesmerizing! As I sit down to write about it, there are so many things which come to my mind and stir the memory-pot. Good as well as scary ! For as long as I can remember, every fall my family invited a priest in the house on the last day of Navratri to perform ''Havan'' (sacred fire lit with sandal wood and mango tree wood, grown with pots of ghee ,samidha , havan samagri and kapur ). Family and friends were invited and we listened to Priest's mantras and chantings intently and with devotion. My father offered aahuti with every mantra and the flames grew high with each offering. I loved how my home smelled during and after the havan , a peaceful scent spreading calmness and reassurance of good which was supposed to follow afterwards.

In spring, my family has the tradition of burning fire in the wee hours of morning of Holi (a festival of colors popularly celebrated in India) which allured me for different reasons. The night before Holi , Hindi Bollywood songs blared on loud speakers and it may term as 'noise'' to my ears now but back then it was the anticipation of playing with colors in the daytime, dressing up and visiting & welcoming friends in the evening and simply having fun. A big fire was lit on our neighborhood Chowki where teenagers and young people collected tree branches and wood for weeks. My father and brothers would go early in the morning with a big thali (plate) filled with new wheat grain, abir& gulal (green, yellow and red powdered colors) and home-made sweets. They would offer it in the fire , make rounds of it and would come back home with a piece of fired up wood to light up the fire in our aangan (courtyard of our house) which I would arrange the night before in a shape of a pyramid of dry cow-dung cakes . Our family would gather around it and we would make seven rounds while roasting the new wheat grain on it and offering our prayers. My Dadi would put tilak with color on everyone's forehead and we would touch our elders feet to seek their blessings. Holi fire is a symbol of burning all evil and welcoming the good. I still remember sitting around that fire, watching the ambers in the flames, very much enjoying their chattering sounds on those crisp mornings and sipping my chai.

I also remember the chilly winter nights of my childhood when we preferred to keep warm with charcoal lit Angithi than electrical heaters. Eating Revadis and Gajak around Angithi could never compare with the cold experience of an otherwise hot electric heater !

When I moved to Allahabad for College, we did Bonfire in the girls hostel and the only thing it symbolized was youth and fun. Fun it was, as the girls danced the night away in pretty clothes. I don't remember sitting around the fire and being hypnotized by the blazing flames but what I do remember is that the dreams, desires, aspirations and promises glowed and warmed my young heart and that the fire was my spectator !

And then there was the fire around which my husband and I took vows to join two lives into one. Fire was our witness as we united in matrimony. Anurag had a tough time being around it (he is allergic to smoke) and kept sneezing (we have kept his kerchief safe which proved to be his best man during the ceremony :)) but Acharyaji (our priest) had no intentions of either toning down the flames or rushing through the vows:) . You see he's a bit old school :)

Like I said in the beginning, all my fire memoirs are not pleasant ! During one summer vacation ,I remember visiting my Nani's house in the village and a neighbor's thatched roof catching fire. I remember the panicked feeling and loss of the family who lost their roof.

Another year, that loss hit home and in a big way! I can't remember the year but my father's factory got burnt in fire that summer. We did not have phone then, just a message in the afternoon brought the bad news and we were worried sick and scared. And It is for one of the numerous reasons that I say my father is my hero because he came late in the night , looked at the ashen faces of his children, kissed them and said, "don't you worry, I am here and everything is going to be alright'' !

In 2008 we came pretty close to evacuating when infamous California wildfire came dangerously close to Irvine.The sky turned gray and air was unbreathable.  Our porch was covered with ashes and soot. We were glued to the TV , our hearts anxious and our bags packed. So many people lost their homes, it was heartbreaking to read and watch their stories.

And then I lost my mother and could not go for her funeral. With sorrow in my heart I could only imagine the pyre of wood on which she was laid to rest , her body engulfed by fire turning into ashes. I imagined her spirit leaving the world but before it did, wrapping me up to say goodbye!

Fire is powerful ! 

Discussions of a fairy tale and more

This post is from last year and was in 'draft' . A conversation with Avi - 




Avi loves Mythology and a few days ago we talked about Hindu Mythology a bit. This is just an example of how my five and a half year old's thought process works.

While reading Cinderella's fairy tale Avi's questions led to the concept of death, step mother and so on. This is how our conversation unfolded -

Avi - Am I going to have a step mother when you die?

Me - Well I hope I don't die too soon because I want to raise you and take care of you.

Avi- But what if you do?

Me - Umm.....I don't know , may be. You see, all step mothers are not like Cinderella's step mother. Besides If I die when you are all grown up and have a family of your own, Daddy might be very lonely and need company so he may decide to get married again. 

Avi (thinking and nodding ) - Well, if the Hindu mythology were to be true , then that thing you told me about will leave your body and come back to earth in some other form (here he is referring to the 'spirit' as 'that thing' because he can't remember the name), so you would still be here. 

Me (not sure how to steer the conversation or if I should at all and marveling at his thought process) - Well, I guess in a way but since I will not have the same body, you won't recognize me.

Avi - That's okay, as long as you will be around.

Me (nodding and sighing ) - yeah !

I did not make effort to prolong the conversation with my sweet little child who absorbs things like a sponge.  

Weekend of October 2nd 2010

Saturday - Pumpking painting class in the morning at Jordan Hall Arts center. Avi and Neev painted their pumpkins black , hot-glued bat wings on the sides and sprayed silver sprinkles to create the most adorable looking fat bat pumpkins as Avi called them. Quick bite at Quiznos and then to Bond Park for Fire safety day where Avi did a 'Fire combat course'. Step 1- go on the bouncy slide , step 2 - go through the tunnel, step 3- roll over the inflated big bed, step 4- hammer the wooden log between the wedges, step 5- move the injured guy ( a life size doll), step 6- pick up the hose, step 7- attach it with hydrant, step 8 - blast off the water on the house. Hilarious I tell you watching a 5 years old doing it. A ride in the toy fire truck around the park and then later children's concert by Roger Day. 'Its a no -no to kiss a rhino , muah, muah, muah, muah............ouch was hilarious to sing. 

Sunday - A day full of activities on Saturday followed by a lazy day at home with family.

What else comprises of a good weekend?

Avi , Neev and TaeKwonDo

Boys have joined Taekwondo and I think its worth the fee just to see them in their uniforms. This may be the only place which allows to train kids beginning at age 4 and Neev because of his size looks super cute in his uniform. On their first day, as much as it was entertaining seeing Neev following the instructions, it was tough because he is one of the yougest in the class and had no clue whatsoever. I listened to Ooh....look at him....he is adorable.....he is so young.........comments from other parents and wondered if I put him too early in the class. Three weeks into training and my charmer has picked up the steps pretty well and his front kick is awesome. He is following the instructions and his focus is improving. We'll tackle the form in time.
Avi as usual is taking it seriously and  loving it. He is all about testing and getting the white belt and can't wait for August when hopefully he qualifies for it.

Ashwin's visit

My brother-in-law ( my sister-in-law's husband) was in States for a business trip and spent a weekend with us before returning to India. Avi and Neev instantly bonded with 'Fufa Ji' , thanks to their common interests in sports. Be it Wii or the real field, they had a great time playing together. Upon learning that Ashwin also took piano lessons for sometime, Avi asked him if his teacher gave him any stickers for a job well done. Ashwin said no. Avi further asked if she gave him any high fives for a song well played. Ashwin said no. Frustrated , Avi asked, ''well did she atleast TELL you that you played well ?" We broke out in a laugh which lasted several minutes.

North Myrtle Beach Vacation

After 4 weeks of OBX fun, it was time to spend another week in North Myrtle beach,South Carolina at the beach house with Anurag's cousin Atul Bhaiya, his wife Lisa, their adorable 3 years old son Jack, Atul Bhaiya's mom and Lisa's family. Weather was warm and breezy, just perfect for getting wet and lounging. The ocean was different here than outerbanks. Waves were mellow and beach was sloping, making it easy for kids to go much further into water without getting the feeling of being in deep. Around noon the water pushed its way into some areas of the beach and formed little pools of warm seawater, making it a great substitute for hot tub. Avi and Neev loved their sand bath in these pools while we soaked the sun to the hilt. Anurag taught kids to tickle the little fish. Avi learned to body board and we clicked some great shots of him riding the waves. He was captivated by sand and seashells and Neev loved to be in the water . At the end of the trip Avi got a huge collection of sea shells and they each got a shark tooth from Michelle as a souvenir.

One of the days we went to Barefoot Landing, a nice tourist place with board walks along the inter coastal waterway. The place is full of dining, shopping and entertainment options. We enjoyed seeing the tigers, ligers and their cubs. It was hilarious to see Avi and Neev in magic mirrors.

Another day we went to the local carnival and kids loved going on the rides with their cousin Jack.

Lisa's eldest sister Suzie is a dessert queen and we were treated to delicious cakes every night. We enjoyed meeting with everyone and spending another laid back week at the beach. I certainly could get used to this !

Outerbanks Trip

We just returned from a week long vacation in outer banks. Having our dear friends Sue, Shibin and their four boys Mathew, Joey, Alex and Ryan with us was double the joy. Shibin and Anurag were disappointed that their charter fishing plans did not work out. I do wish them better luck next time because Shibin's wild tuna cutlets turned me into fish lover. This just affirms my favorite saying, ''never say never''.

I wish the weather was a bit warmer but all in all it was a great trip. There was lots of pool time and beach lounging. Avi and I also learned to play shuffle - thanks to Joey and Mathew !

On day 2 We took a ferry trip to Cape Hatteras and its National Sea shore drive. What beautiful beaches and what a beautiful sight of hundreds of wind-surfers enjoying themselves in the ocean !
Boys found it very interesting that the infamous pirate Blackbeard was killed right there in Cape Hatteras at Ocracoke inlet in a dramatic hand-to-hand shipboard battle in Nov. 1718. The attack was led by Lieutenant Robert Maynard, by order of governor Spotswood of Virginia. While the kids imagined the scene in their minds, we enjoyed the sun on our faces and admired the beautiful boats parked on the dock.

On day 3, we drove to Corolla and loved the drive. Some beautiful beach houses on each side of road lined the thin strip of land. Corolla is home to the famous Currytuck lighthouse. Boys enjoyed climbing 250 steps to the top of the light house. Was our out-of-breath ascend worth the breathtaking view of outerbanks from top ? You bet ! We are glad we picked this one since later I learned that this light house is distinct among its fellows along the outerbanks. While the other 4 lighthouses are painted in black and white vertical, horizontal and checkered patterns, Currytuck shows off its natural brick used in its construction. We waited patiently outside the lighthouse while Anurag took his time helping Neev climb down. His reward was to also see the old mineral oil lamps which produced light visible to 18 nautical miles before the light was automated in 1939.

On day 4 of our vacation we drove to Kitty Hawk to see the Wright Brothers National Memorial. Here, after 4 years of experimentation, Orville and Wilbur Wright achieved first successful flights in 1903. After watching the amazing movie about them we walked up to see the memorial. Its a 60 foot granite monument which reads, "Achieved by dauntless resolution and unconquerable faith'' around it. The gate in the front has 8 fine carvings depicting things pertaining to flying. Among them are wings of a bird, kites, a Britisher who tried to fly by gluing wings and flippers and a mythological Greek character who could fly.
At the bottom of the hill there is a sculpture park recreating the scene of the first flight. Kids had a lot of fun playing there , specially Alex who rode on ''Órville'' the entire time.
The highlight for us was to drive in sand in our 4 wheel drive by the beach in Corolla. It was awesome ! We are very proud of our truck to pull us through that drive (we did see a couple 4 wheel drives stuck in sand). Corolla is popular for its wild horses and guess what , we did see a magnificent looking family strolling on the beach.

This also turned out to be one big fat delicious vacation since every night we noshed on Shibin's wonderful cooking including Chicken Biryani, Fish cutlets, fresh milk shakes and smoothies.

We concluded our holiday by going for the night stroll on the beach . Anurag was holding the flash light and when we found a big live crab , it was time to return.

I stood humbled and unassuming in front of the ocean , my feet wet and sandy. I breathed in the smell of sea water one more time and said good bye!

India -brand new cricket world cup winner -2011

Finally, the coveted cricket world cup is India's !

After India beat Pakistan to reach finals to face off Sri Lankan team, a friend posted his status on Facebook 'we won the finals , now lets move to semi-finals' :)

I have witnessed many world cups and other very interesting cricket matches in India (all on TV) and how India's victory or loss has affected the nation's morale and mood. If India lost, some of us sat in corners at home and mourned quietly, some of us got on streets and threw rocks on our beloved and worshiped as Gods player's homes . If India won, we rejoiced with fire crackers and distributed sweets much the same as a wedding at home or birth of a child. Such is the sentiment associated with Cricket !

If its Cricket , I have to mention my younger brother who is CRAZY about the sport and pretty good at it himself. His obsession with it made it extra fun for all of us to watch it back at home. I know its the story of most households in India when an important match is at stake - Just like ours where we surrounded the TV in comfortable positions, taking bio breaks only during commercials , pounding our fists for each downed wicket and shrieking yay for each four or sixer and eating 'khichadi' for meals because Mom was equally devoted to the match and would spend least time possible for cooking :) And God forbid if the electricity went out , the neighborhood would curse the electricity department and government like no oné business.

This past Saturday as India played against Sri Lanka in Mumbai, I watched the match here in America on my notebook's screen, pretty tiny compared to a big TV. Nevertheless , my little boys huddled with me to support the boys in blue and tried to share the excitement of their Mom's favorite's sport. Neev waited for waffles until the commercial break while Avi took advantage of my absorption by asking for extra time with his hand held video game. Last few overs of the match were tense and I had my hands folded over my mouth and my knees pulled together . The commentators were not making it easy either, saying one thing if Lasith Malinga had a good over and another if Dhoni and Gambhir scored two runs for a ball. The moment of truth arrived and Dhoni led the team to victory by swinging a brilliant sixer. And .............and the crowd went berserk and sitting here in my sun room I wished to be a part of that crowd, being able to shout 'we did it' and waiving my tricolor in wind reflecting the pride in my heart for my mother land. Instead I did a happy dance of my own . Neev and Avi stared at me first before joining in. I called my family immediately, announced my joy on facebook and sat again to watch the Indian team receiving the world cup. As much as it was a glorious moment for the team, it was a lot more to every Indian across all continents, a sense of eminence , a piece of pride !!

My 6 years old's take on the match -"I wish it was a tie'' ! When I asked why does he feel that way, he said, "becaue Sri Lanka is India's neighbor" ! I can appreciate my sensitive son's remarks and his knowledge of geography and I can savor India's victory too never doubting my American born children''s loyalty to the land their parents were born in because later in the day this was the conversation between Avi and Neev -

Neev - Avi, what is mother-land ?

Avi - Where you are born is called mother land.

Neev - What's our mother-land ?

Avi - America !

Neev - What about India ?

Avi (thinking ) -Umm...that's Mommy and Daddy's s motherland so that will be - our grandmother-land !

Its the same thing !

Trying to play mediator between my 6 years old Avi and 3 years old Neev , I said to them," You guys really should not fight with each other. You are brothers and brother's have each other's back". Neev stopped and asked "you mean butt?'' I said ,"no I mean back''. Neev shrugged his shoulders and said, "Its the same thing, butt is on the back".

Are you smiling yet :) ?

Snap shot of year 2010

So here we are, almost at the end of January and it finally sank in to start thinking , saying, writing it as 2011 instead of 2010. Another year slipped away like a fistful of sand with some leftovers of loose quartz on my palms. The feeling is overwhelming . Its like I terribly mind washing my hands under water, not wanting to let go of those remaining grains. Isn't letting go difficult ?

Its been a fortunate year of seeing my family, relatives, and old friends. Its also been a year of making new friendships. I left for India in February beginning, returned in mid June, my longest visit to India during my stay in States. I not only met but was able to spend time with my mother's side of family , my grandparents , my father, my in-laws, my both brothers, my sister and my two best friends. Upon returning back to USA, the later half of the year saw me happily connecting with our best friends here, spending thanksgiving with them in Winston Salem and then celebrating Christmas with my Cousin and family in Atlanta.

It indeed was a year of renewing bonds and reviving spirits. It was a year that made me want to hold on to. Preserving moments like a talk with my 87 years old grandmother who amazes me with her strength and who likes to (and rightly so) hand out the gist of life in form of apt verses and quotes from wise and famous poets and philosophers, making me realize how simple the life can be despite its complexities. That somethings will always be right and some be wrong, that the difference between black and white is a wider shade of gray and its not okay to use that gray to suit you when you need an excuse in life. Moments when my grandfather established a bond with Avi while teaching him to use a calculator, when my grandmother excitedly encouraged Neev to drink milk by himself by clapping her hands, when my father completely occupied Neev by playing 'Aaju Baba , Maaju Baba', kind of an Indian version of 'this little piggy' while I was away doing the course of 'Art of Living' taught by my brother, when my father-in-law made sure that Neev found him by his bedside in the morning during 'Navratri' because I was in the temple offering prayers along with my mother-in-law. Yes, there were a lot of precious moments of my visit that I will cherish all my life.

Its only natural that our heart and mind wants to clutch to whats good in our life. I know that I have to welcome the new year with new hopes and dreams. I also know that it will come with its share of frustrations and fears. The challenge is to move on and keep moving on and when in that journey I need to know if it's worth, all I need to do is open this post, reflect and reminisce.